Life's Little Escapes
by Patches
Summary: EVA-01 wants a vacation. Unfortunately, an apathetic pilot, a vengeful Second Child, and its own naivette are standing in its way. What's a mech gotta do to have some fun once in a while? (unfinished)


Life's Little Escapes

It was quiet that day. The tall hangar was dark and chilled over by the presence of cryogenic fluid. Not a soul to be seen, save for the giant biomechanical machine submerged in the cold, yellow liquid. After its recent behavior, the android had shown that it was more beast than robot, and thus was unsafe to operate, due to its uncontrollable tendencies.

Thus, there it was; quiet and subdued. Frozen in stasis and locked away from the outside world. Never expected to see action again. Silent and unmoving forevermore.

How utterly boring.

Its name was Evangelion Unit 01. This may sound like a rather unoriginal and bland name, but that's what people called it, among variations. If it had any name other than this, it was most surely forgotten, or held confidential by the high authorities of NERV. Those same authorities also knew another of its secrets. The Evangelion was actually a sentient life form, created by man in his image.

This was all well and good, but EVA-01 wasn't really pondering its personal history at the moment. Actually, no one can ever be sure what an EVA is thinking. But this particular EVA was faced with a bit of a problem. It now had the capacity to move on its own, yet was locked away because of this. The living part of it was itching to get out and, well, DO something. Its human soul was getting bored out of her mind, and the cryogenic fluid was COLD, dang it!

So, that was it. NERV wasn't using it. NERV wasn't planning on using it in the near future. So, EVA-01 would just have to sit around in the frozen goo and bore itself to death.

Hell no!

* * *

A few hours later, a certain Hyuuga Makoto was wandering across the platform that spanned the Evangelions' cage, engrossed in a crossword puzzle.

"What's a thirteen-letter word starting with 'I' that means 'unthinkable'?" he wondered to himself, scratching the back of his head with his pencil. He glanced up, thinking perhaps the EVA could give him a clue. Of course, no help there, so he returned his gaze to the checkerboard of black and white and continued walking out of the hangar.

A full two minutes later, he ran back in to double-check a weird feeling he'd had. Sure enough, when he looked into the cage, he was greeted by the appalling spectacle of the Evangelion unit that was currently not there.

Now, an Evangelion being absent was no oddity. There was always some kind of disturbance, or maybe a test-run. However, usually he or Major Katsuragi or, well, _someone_ was notified about this. Not to mention the fact that, last he heard, EVA-01 was being held in cold storage, not to be used.

Yet, there it was; gone, missing, absent, and flat not there.

"Inconceivable!" shouted Hyuuga, not because there was no plausible explanation for the Evangelion to be missing, but he had just had a moment of inspiration and scribbled the word down in the crossword puzzle. Proud of himself, he wandered off to find Major Katsuragi and notify her of his discovery.

* * *

About a half hour later, the entirety of NERV's senior staff was standing on the platform, confirming with their own eyes that, sure enough, the Evangelion wasn't there. Their initial suspicion was that the Third Child, Shinji Ikari, had hijacked it. However, after a quick phone call home, Misato Katsuragi had affirmed that Shinji was there, where he had been all night. Although it wasn't impossible for Shinji to sneak out of the house, run all the way to headquarters, sneak past security, sneak the EVA out without disturbing anything, ditch the EVA somewhere, and return home within an hour, it was darn right unlikely. A more likely thief would be SEELE. They'd have to look into that. And NERV sure as heck didn't misplace the thing. How does one lose an EVA?

Fuyutsuki leaned over Commander Gendo Ikari's shoulder. "Was this part of the scenario as well?" he asked his superior. Gendo's reply came in the form of a muffled grunt.

Meanwhile, Misato had climbed on top of the EVA's restraints, looking for any sort of clue as to how it got out. Nothing. Nothing was damaged or forced open. It was almost like the EVA detached itself and wandered out on its own. No, that was impossible... wasn't it?

"Major, we will perform a detailed investigation later. Right now, our objective is locating Evangelion unit 01," said Commander Ikari.

Misato sighed and began to climb down, but heard something crinkle under her foot. She looked down and noticed a folded piece of note paper attached to the wall with duct tape. A ransom or demand note from the EVA's captors, perhaps? "Sir, I've found something!" she shouted down at the departing organization head. She climbed down so that the paper was at eye level and detached it from the wall, then continued down, paper in hand.

Gendo took the paper from her once she reached the platform again, and spent the next five minutes trying to undo the duct tape from the fold so as not to rip it. Finally, many shreds of gray tape later, he unfolded the note and read it.

For its four words, it seemed to leave quite an impact on him. He sighed and dropped the paper to the floor, rubbing his forehead. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi walked over and picked it up. Reading it, she raised an eyebrow, and almost snickered. "Well, I guess now we know what happened to unit 01," she admitted.

"What? Where is it?" asked Misato, snatching the paper away. She looked at it. "Huh? What's this supposed to mean?" she asked, pointing at the note, which looked like it was written by a three year-old with a marker. All it said was, "Gone. Be back later." How did THAT explain where the Evangelion was?

Ritsuko trotted after the departing Commander Ikari. "Was she always this ambiguous, sir?" she asked.

Gendo rubbed his temples. "You have no idea."

* * *

It was all quiet on the western Geofront. Quiet, that is, save for the occasional snapping of trees by the dark figure moving through forest. Actually, it was crawling, attempting to weave its way between trees without much luck. If it was attempting to be discreet, it certainly wasn't doing a very good job of it.

In reality, EVA-01 wasn't consciously attempting to be discreet. Oh, it understood that leaving would probably get it trouble, but it also understood that it was too important to be punished too severely.

However, this wasn't the reason it was crawling. In fact, absurd as it may seem, the EVA had forgotten how to walk. Usually, it had some sort of command running through its head that performed most of its bodily functions for it. Now that this input was no longer there, it had to rely on itself. And it wasn't faring too terribly well.

Its first goal was simply to be able to stand upright. First, it attempted bracing itself against a tree while slowly working its way up to a standing position. However, about three quarters of the way up, the tree snapped under its weight, and both tree and EVA went crashing down into the forest. Since falling onto trees wasn't exactly the most comfortable sensation, EVA-01 tried a different tactic.

Thus, here it was now, attempting to dislodge itself from the forest. Once it had finally accomplished doing so, it decided to try standing on its own power. Slowly and unsteadily, it rose to its feet. After faltering a few times, it had finally made it to a full upright position, standing straight and tall. Spurred on by this accomplishment, it immediately tried walking. However, this first step was more of a step beyond its current bounds, and the next thing it knew, it was planted in an EVA-shaped indentation on the ground. While waiting for its head to stop ringing from the impact, it thought back over exactly why it was doing this in the first place.

Simple. NERV was boring. It wanted to leave the boring place. Somehow, something inside of it told it how to slip free of the restraints and leave the compound undetected. However, when asking this same presence for advice on its current dillema, none was given. The silent informant was silent once again. It would have to conquer this problem on its own. However, it was beginning to notice another problem.

It was hungry. NERV never fed it. Thus, it had ended up with an unhealthily thin waistline. Yet, hunger had never really been a problem before. The umbilical cable supplied it with all the energy it needed when it was active, and it needed no energy when deactivated. Therefore, food was never an issue.

Then came the 14th Angel. During this encounter, EVA-01 was active without the use of a battery or umbilical cable, but relied on its own power. Then, the realization of hunger hit it like a sailor shipwrecked for three weeks with a box of canned food and no can opener. And there was that damn Angel. The EVA had already been determined to turn the thing to mincemeat, anyway, as revenge for the loss of its arm. And since it was hungry, there was no need to waste a perfectly good Angel. Thus, Zeruel was supper. The S2 engine was an added bonus.

Yes, the S2 engine. It provided the EVA with unlimited energy. So why was it hungry? Perhaps the overwhelming feeling it experienced during the brief moment it operated under its own power was still lingering. So, just eating once more would probably relieve this problem. The thing was, what was an EVA to eat? There weren't any more Angels around at the moment, and it had to admit that Zeruel had a rather bitter flavor.

The EVA propped itself up on its elbows and looked over the tops of the trees. There really wasn't much exciting in the Geofront. It would have to go topside to find anything useful. With this added incentive to get up, it pushed itself to its feet, much more quickly this time. Determined to get out, it took a step forward. After a moment of arm-flailing, it managed to reassert its balance. After assuring itself that it would not fall over in its current position, it took another step.

A few steps later, EVA-01 was happy to announce to itself that it had mastered the art of walking. Reminding itself of the results of its previous mishap, it decided to wait a while before it tried running. Walking would suit it just fine at this point.

And walk it did. To the center of the Geofront, in fact, where there was conveniently a large hole leading up to the surface, left by the aforementioned 14th Angel. Now it had a means of escape, but wasn't quite sure how to make use of it. The hole was practically a half-kilometer above its head, surrounded by the bottoms of the buildings of Tokyo-3.

Ah, yes, the buildings. If it could only get a hold of one of the buildings, it could climb to the hole and escape. But a 500 meter jump was probably a tad out of its range. Especially in its current condition, given the fact that it could barely even walk. But, there was no point in not trying.

EVA-01 crouched down as low and sprang straight up as high as it could. But, with gravity as its enemy, it confirmed to itself that it could only jump half that height at best. And, as it hit the ground once again, it found that it still hadn't quite gotten that "balance" thing down yet, so ended up on its rear. This was posing quite an obsticle between EVA and freedom.

It put its head on its knees and stared at the ground, pondering how to get around this little situation. However, it realized that the patch of ground it was looking at looked vaguely familiar. Something important was under it. It ran its hand along the grass an found an uneven spot. Tugging at it, the ground opened, revealing an underground compartment containing one of the many Evangelion umbilical cables. Fascinating. NERV had a knack for having weapons, shields, and other such items stored in strange and suspiciously convenient places. EVA-01 stared at the item with a sort of nostalgic contempt. They allowed the EVAs to be operational for extended periods of time, but limited their distance, and had an annoying habit of breaking. They had about enough tensile strength to hold an EVA's weight, and that was about it. Thankfully, it had no use for the thing anymore.

This still didn't solve its problem, however. The hole still gaped invitingly overhead, though there was no way the EVA could reach it. Its mind was still set on jumping and grabbing one of the lower-hanging buildings, but that was quickly on the way to being discarded as an option.

About this time, another fuzzy thought started to enter its head. It wondered why NERV hadn't started after it yet. It thought that perhaps by now, NERV would have sent out some sort of task force to bring it back. Perhaps it was overestimating them. What it didn't know was that the device used to track its movements was severely damaged during the 14th Angel incident, as was a sizable amount of NERV's headquarters itself. Since the EVA was expected to stay in cold storage, they never bothered replacing the device. Thus, NERV hadn't a clue where EVA-01 was at the moment.

EVA-01, however, didn't really care why NERV wasn't looking for it. They just weren't getting in its way, which was just fine and peachy. It was still much more concerned with getting out of the Geofront. Irritated, the EVA yanked up a tree and hurled it up at the hole, perhaps in an effort to knock the hole down closer to it. Of course, it FAILED, and the tree went happily sailing through the hole to freedom, probably causing some ruckus topside. The EVA was somewhat envious of the tree, wishing it could throw itself.

If only those darn buildings hung lower. About 250 meters lower. Maybe if it couldn't knock the hole down, it could knock the buildings down. Then they'd be lower. Deciding to give this idea a shot, EVA-01 uprooted another nearby tree and gave it a good chuck up towards the suspended buildings. It waited in anticipation for the building to come down to it, but, alas, nothing fell but a few shards of glass. Looking up, it found that all it had done was embed the tree in the bottom of the building, where it still hung firm.

Becoming a tad more agitated at its continuous lack of success, the EVA reached down again to grab a tree. However, it ended up grabbing the end of the umbilical cable instead. Dangling the thing from its hand, it noted that the cable was heavier than a tree. Perhaps being heavier, it would do a better job in bringing a building down.

Giving one last-ditch effort, EVA-01 swung the end of the cable around a few times before hurling it up at the building. The spool whirred violently as the cable trailed upwards. EVA-01 watched in anticipation as the cable smashed through the bottom of a building, sailing up into it quite a ways before becoming nicely lodged somewhere around the 20th floor. Yet, neither cable nor building fell. This was getting irritating.

The EVA tugged on the cable, but found that it was stuck fast. It hung on it, lifting itself off the ground; still the building wouldn't fall. Whenever it pulled on the cord, it ended up pulling itself up rather than the building down. That was no good.

... Wasn't it? Perhaps if it couldn't bring the building down to it, it could bring itself up to the building. With yet another revelation spurring it on, it began quickly climbing the umbilical cable, thankful for its great strength, and excited when it passed its jump height.

Within a minute, it had reached the buildings suspended above the Geofront. And, just above there was the passage to freedom. It dislodged itself from the cable and climbed onto the nearest building. Transferring itself from building to building, it finally reached the hole to the surface. Looking up it, it was thankful to find that the layers of armor had been unevenly shredded away, leaving convenient hand- and foot-holds all the way to the top. Not wanting to waste another opportunity, the EVA grabbed hold of the side of the hole and began making the last leg of its journey to freedom.

* * *

"Stupid, stupid Shinji!" These words of enlightenment came from none other than Sohryu Asuka Langley as she trudged down the sidewalks of Tokyo-3, kicking a rock along in an irate fashion. What she was doing out on the streets at 4:00 in the morning was anyone's guess, but she was too busy mulling over her loss to care what time it was.

"Stupid, stupid Angel!" Yes, the Angel. That blasted 14th Angel. She had met a grievous defeat at its hands. Okay, so that Angel didn't HAVE hands, but rather chopping ribbon-like things, but that wasn't the point! The point was, she LOST!

"Stupid, stupid NERV!" They didn't give her good enough weapons. She could have easily defeated that Angel, so the fault must have been that of her superiors or her equipment. Heck, she needed SOMETHING to blame.

"Stupid, stupid Evangelion!" Yes, it was the Evangelion's fault, for not allowing her to synch properly with it. Those brainless machines. She wanted to give one a good sock in the face right about now. Too bad her EVA's face, along with the rest of its head, was planted somewhere in a civilian shelter in the Geofront.

Asuka reached the end of the sidewalk and started pounding her head against the building there. "Stupid, stupid building!" If it weren't for that building, she could have continued walking straight down the sidewalk without minding where she was going. Whose bright idea was it to put a building in the middle of a sidewalk, anyway?

However, as she pounded her head on the wall, the building helpfully moved backwards, allowing her to fall flat on her face. Now, a building moving in Tokyo-3 was no rare occasion. However, they typically moved up and down, not to the side. After Asuka was finished greeting the pavement with a few choicely polite words, she looked up at the oddly-shaped building. It was dome-like, with a spire extending out of the top, and two large, brightly-lit windows about halfway up it. Whoever built the thing must've been off his rocker, since this was the first building she'd ever seen that had dark purple siding. The two lighted windows flashed on and off momentarily, making the building look like it was blinking at her. That was one creepy building, so Asuka decided to take a detour from her path of sorrow and just walk around the thing.

Things weren't much better beside the building, either, as she noticed too late that there was no sidewalk, no road, and for that matter, no ground to be found there. "Stupid, stupid gravity," she mumbled as she found herself falling through a rather deep hole about the size of a baseball stadium. What a stupid place to put a hole. Although the freefall was quite the adrenaline rush, being flattened on the floor of the Geofront was not something she had planned for this evening.

Two seconds later, she hit. Strange. The Geofront was a lot closer and had a lot more give than she had expected. She also hadn't expected it to be purple, or hand-shaped. She looked up along a purple arm with green and black stripes to an orange neck, and finally to a purple and blue face which bore a strange resemblance to the building that had been in her way. Now that it was farther away, she recognized it immediately.

"Evangelion Unit 01!" she exclaimed, breaking her tirade of "stupids". Asuka may have been out to lunch, but SHE sure wasn't stupid.

The Evangelion lifted her back up to the surface and placed her back on the sidewalk in front of its face, which was peeking up over the edge of the hole. Asuka dusted herself off and stared the thing in the eyes.

"Okay, Shinji, what do you think you're doing? Just like those morons to send YOU on a mission without telling me!" She tapped her foot impatiently, but all she got was a blank stare back. She had been right all along. Stupid, stupid Shinji. There was no reason for him to be out in his EVA, but there it was, out causing chaos and probably having a blast. "Whatever you're up to, I'm going to beat you up when you're through! Heck, I'll beat you up right now!" With that, she lunged herself at EVA-01's face and latched onto its horn. Pulling herself up, she ran over the top of its head and slid down to its back.

"Come on out of there, Shinji!" She pounded on the entry hatch. "You hear me? I said 'OPEN UP'!" Obediently, the hatch opened up. Asuka stepped aside for the entry plug that would pop out, but, oddly, none ever did. She blinked and peeked down into the opening and found no plug inside. How... interesting. "You... can close it now..." she ventured. Just as before, the hatch closed like she told it to.

Asuka felt a giddy feeling of power come over her. Did this mean that EVA-01 had somehow become subject to her commands? Even remotely?

This idea was quickly squashed, as was she, as a hand reached around and grabbed her off its back. She was brought around to face the EVA once again, as it looked intently at her.

"GAORGH!" it grunted, which is Evangelion for "Hello". See, the Evangelions are actually quite advanced. So much so, that their spoken language consists of only one word, which can translate as anything from "Happy Birthday!" to "There's a fish in my sock!" to "I'm terribly sorry we could not conduct business at a more mature level." Its meaning was all dependent on context and inflection.

Asuka, equally polite, responded with, "Can't... breathe...."

Sensing something was amiss, EVA-01 let go of Asuka and dangled her upside-down by one of her legs instead, giving a fan-service shot as her dress flipped down over her face.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!! PERVERT!" she screamed, kicking at its fingers with her free leg. "I get it now! Shinji trained you to look up girls' skirts so he wouldn't get caught in the act, then he'll get all the images through feedback the next time he pilots you! What a sick little boy." She honestly hadn't given Shinji enough credit to think up a wild idea like this. Maybe there was still hope for one of NERV's resident sociopaths. Wonder Girl was a lost cause. "Anyway, put me down!" she commanded. Obediently, EVA-01 dropped her on her head with a *thunk*.

After the spinning stars went away, Asuka reoriented herself and looked up at the EVA, which was still only halfway out of the hole in the ground. Its elbows were propped on the ground, with its chin resting on its hands; its eyes watching her curiously.

"Sheesh!" exclaimed Asuka. "You're acting like a little kid playing with an insect or something. Next thing I know, you'll try to eat me!" The EVA blinked a few times, then lowered its face down to her and opened its gaping mouth, showing its VERY large teeth. Asuka panicked and ran off down the street, screaming. "Shinji's EVA is trying to eat me! AAAAHHHH!! HELP!"

EVA-01 watched after the retreating red-headed girl until she was out of sight, then pulled itself completely out of the hole and sat on the street. Asuka had caused it to remember how hungry it was, but had also shown it that humans were probably not for eating. They probably tasted like Angel, anyway.

It poked its head over a building and noticed a wooden cart on the next street, with a sign happily proclaiming it to be a "ramenya". EVA-01 didn't know what a "ramenya" was, but it did recognize another character on the cart, which meant "food". The Evangelion stood up and stepped over the building to examine this "ramenya".

The ramen stand's tender looked up at the purple menace approaching him and smacked his forehead. "Great, just when you think life can get back to normal, another giant shows up." He stepped out of Hiroshi's Ramen Stand and motioned to the EVA. "Fine, you can HAVE it! Destroy it, just like all the other ones!" He then wandered off down the street, mumbling, "I lose more ramen stands that way. Why do I even work in this city?"

Shrugging at its apparent gift of food, EVA-01 picked up the entire cart and ate it. It crunched it a few times, then swallowed. Not bad. A ramenya definitely tasted better than an Angel. "GAORGH!" it exclaimed, which translates as "Burp".

* * *

At NERV headquarters, the senior staff puzzled over how to aprehend the missing EVA. Commander Ikari was unusually complacent about the matter, sitting at his desk, hands folded in front of his face. He had reasoned that the passive nature in which the EVA escaped suggested that it probably wouldn't cause too much damage intentionally. Plus, the note it left indicated that it was planning on coming back on its own. He was more worried about something happening to the EVA than the EVA happening to something. It was a vital asset in his master plan, and couldn't afford to lose it.

Unfortunately, the recent battle left much of the Central Dogma unusable, not to mention the heavy damage sustained to Evangelion units 00 and 02. Without those two, NERV had no viable retrieval options. True, they had transports to carry the EVAs, but those were typically used when the Evangelions were deactivated. The carrier jets and trucks probably wouldn't fare too well against an active Evangelion bent on going on hiatus.

Letting the thing fend for itself until it decided to return seemed to be about the only option. Despite appearances, the EVA was actually in quite a lot of danger off on its own. SEELE might try to capture it. Another Angel might attack. The UN would probably see it as a threat and try to attack it, probably making use of a number of N2 mines. There was no point in NERV informing the UN that they suspected the Evangelion's intentions to be benign, because, for one thing, the UN wouldn't believe them, and for another, NERV wasn't about to make public the knowledge that one of their weapons had gone delinquent. Besides, if the thing went rampaging around the city, the public could figure that much out for themselves. No need to risk the embarrassment of stating so explicitly.

"If there's nothing more I can do, I'm heading for home," said Misato, yawning. She hadn't been too thrilled about being called in at 1:00 in the morning for a crisis that she couldn't do much of anything about. Now it was pushing 5:00, and she really wanted to see her bed for at least a few hours tonight.

It was not meant to be, however. At that moment, a streak of red and aqua tore into the room and ran circles around her, screaming incoherently. Misato smacked herself on the forehead and sighed.

"What is it Asuka?" she asked wearily.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" responded the Second Child, eloquently. "EVA-01 is loose!" She continued running in circles around Misato, as if that action somehow made this problem better.

"We realize this, Asuka," Misato replied. "But there isn't much we can do about it right now, so we're just hoping it doesn't cause too much damage."

Finally, Asuka stopped, and glared Misato in the face. "'Too much damage'? 'TOO MUCH DAMAGE'? It's already caused plenty of damage! That stupid EVA tried to EAT ME! AND it looked up my skirt, which is unforgivable!" She whirled around and pointed dramatically towards the hangars. "Fetch my Unit 02! I'll punt Shinji's sorry excuse for an EVA to the other side of the moon! Lemmie at 'im!"

"Uh, Asuka," Misato ventured, "Evangelion Unit 02 suffered heavy damage in the last battle. It's not fit to operate right now." To emphasize her point, she led Asuka to EVA-02's cage, where it hung armless, headless, and lifeless.

Asuka surveyed her EVA up and down, then announced, "It's just a scratch."

"A SCRATCH?!" said Misato. "Its arms are off!"

Asuka sniffed indignantly. "No they aren't."

Misato's eyes bugged, as she waved her arm in the direction of the dismembered Evangelion. "What's that look like, then?"

"It's had worse," said Asuka, shrugging.

"You liar!"

Asuka sighed and mentally yelled at herself to get rid of the British accent she had somehow acquired during the previous conversation. "I guess it isn't in prime condition, so it would be better not to use it."

"Yes, yes, good," said Misato, panting from yelling like that at this time of morning. Sleep was sounding more and more inviting by the minute.

However, Asuka wasn't finished yet. Eyes ablaze, she commanded, "If my Evangleion isn't battle-ready, then fetch me Unit 03!"

Misato fell over. "Asuka, Unit 03 was literally beaten to a bloody pulp! You can't use that!"

"Fine, then I'll use Unit 04!"

"Unit 04 disappeared along with most of the western United States. It was never even ours to use in the first place," explained Misato.

"Unit 05, then!" yelled Asuka. "Just get me something that I can beat up Shinji's EVA with!"

Mistato fell over again. "Why Unit 05?! I thought you were trying to PREVENT yourself from getting eaten by an EVA! Besides, the latest series isn't even finished yet."

It appeared that NERV was fresh out of EVAs. And there was no way that Asuka would even _consider_ using Wonder Girl's Unit 00. It probably smelled funny in there, anyway.

"From what you say, it appears that Unit 01 has reached the surface," commented Commander Ikari, walking into the hangar. "If it's figured out how to get out of the Geofront, hopefully, it has enough common sense not to interfere with Tokyo-3's daily life."

"Too late for that!" shouted Asuka. She then slightly backed off, realizing who she was yelling at. "The thing just popped out of a hole in the ground and decided that Sohryu Asuka Langley constituted as EVA food. I won't stand for it!"

"I wonder what an Evangelion _does_ eat?" Misato wondered to herself.

"Enough," commanded Gendo. "At the moment, there's nothing we can do. If the situation becomes more severe, then we may have to attempt taking action. However, for now, we will simply watch this scenario play out." With that decided, he turned on his heel and walked out of the hangar. Misato, deciding that this meant that she wasn't needed at headquarters at the moment, took that opportunity to head for home.

Asuka, on the other hand, stood fuming on the platform below her dismembered EVA. "So, I guess what happened to me isn't 'severe' enough, huh? Well, we'll see about that. If they're not gonna help me, I'll get even with that EVA myself." She whirled around and puffed out her chest, a new sense of determination brewing that she had not felt in a long while. "Just you wait, Evangelion Unit 01! You will rue the day you crossed paths with Sohryu Asuka Langley!"

* * *

Down the hall, Aoba Shigeru was attempting to monitor the condition of the base and its immediate surroundings, when he came across something disturbing.

"Sir, I'm picking up what sounds like... maniacal laughter... coming from EVA-02's cage," he reported.

Gendo didn't even react as he continued walking back to his desk. "Just ignore it," he said.

* * *

Seven ramen carts later, EVA-01 decided that it had enough food to satisfy its initial hunger. Now that it had accomplished what had initially driven it to come to the surface, it was at a complete loss as to what to do. It also suddenly realized that it was completely on its own, with no pilot to tell it what to do. Although this meant it was free from mundane orders, it wasn't accustomed to operating without them.

It sat on top of a supermarket, arms folded in deep thought. What does one do when they're free? Surely free people do more than just eat ramen carts. It hated to admit it, but EVA-01 needed help with this. But from whom? The weak-willed part of its mind wanted to go find Shinji and tell him to pilot it into doing something fun. No, that was too risky. Perhaps it could simply ask... advice. Yes, advice was much better than simply taking orders. Maybe it could even hang out with the boy for a while and see what the Children do when not piloting giant biomechanical weapons of mass destruction.

So, that was it. EVA-01 was now on a mission to find Shinji. Uh, where exactly _was_ Shinji? Shinji was in the entry plug. Shinji was in the hangar. Shinji was at NERV. But where was Shinji now?

Beep!

EVA-01's intense train of thought was derailed by a small car which was presently honking like crazy at the EVA's foot. A foot which was currently blocking the entire street.

"C'mon, move it!" shouted the person inside the little car. "What kinda traffic jam y'got at 5:30 in the morning?! I'm _tired_ and I'm _cranky_, so LET ME THROUGH!"

Sensing some hostility, EVA-01 obediently lifted its foot to let the car through. As it passed, the EVA suddenly recognized the driver as What's-Her-Face, the woman with the long, dark hair who was always hanging around Shinji. You see, EVA-01 never learned the names of any of the humans except for Shinji Ikari, Gendo Ikari, and Rei Ayanami. Therefore, it had simply given all the others its own names. Aside from the three whose names it knew, the Evangelion often saw the aforementioned What's-Her-Face, who seemed to be friends with Lab Coat Lady. She also seemed to have some other sort of relationship with Secret Agent Man (considering the guy's other work involved EVA-01 itself, it was quick to pick up on him). Gendo often hung around with Old Guy. And then there was that other EVA pilot, Hot Head. However, the Evangelion had yet to put two and two together and realize that Hot Head was the girl it met on the street an hour or so earlier.

While yet another bit of trivia was being revealed, EVA-01 decided that since What's-Her-Face hung around with Shinji, she also knew where he was. So, it decided to follow her. Discreetly. It seemed that What's-Her-Face was too exhausted to notice the purple giant looming over her car as she headed for her apartment, so it was all the better.

The car finally stopped in front of an apartment building, and What's-Her-Face wearily staggered inside. Well, that was no good. EVA-01 couldn't figure out where she was going if she was inside the building. The only thing it could do now was look in all the windows and see if it could spot her entering a particular room. So, it scoured up and down the complex. It was too caught up in searching for What's-Her-Face that it failed to notice that it caught a rack of underwear on its horn that had been hanging outside someone's window.

Finally, a light turned on in one of the rooms. EVA-01 looked in the window, and lo and behold, there was What's-Her-Face. Now it could finally question her.

* * *

Now that she was finally back home, Misato was hoping for some well-deserved sleep. Without even bothering to change her clothes, she flopped down on the futon in the living room and was immediately asleep.

Not five seconds later, something tapped on the window. Misato groaned and pulled her pillow over her head. "Go away," came her muffled voice from between the bedding. However, whoever was out there would not go away, and continued rapping on the window.

Finally, Misato pulled the pillow off her head and looked groggily out the window. There was nothing there. Not even the city. Just a dark mass of something blocking the entire window. Misato squinted and came to the conclusion that the mass of something looked familiar, and that she also associated it with Shinji.

"Shinji!" she called, drearily. "One of your friends came to pick you up for school!" That seemed the most reasonable explanation of who was outside.

A moment later, Shinji came shuffling into the room, yawning. "Who's here this early?" he wondered aloud. He looked around the room, but saw no one but Misato lying on the floor. He wandered over to the front door, but there was no one there, either.

"Misato-san, there's no one here," Shinji annouced sleepily. "I'm going back to bed."

"He's at the window," Misato said from under her pillow. "Tell him to be more quiet."

Shinji looked out at the balcony, assuming he'd see a person out there. Instead, all he saw was a rather large, purple finger poking at the window. The hand was then retracted, and a green eye of the same proportions peeked in.

Evangelion saw Shinji. Shinji saw Evangelion. There was a moment of silence.

"Misato-san... why is my Evangelion outside the window?" However, Misato was already asleep again. No explanations would come from her at that time, unfortunately. And the only other person there from whom he could get an explanation was the Evangelion itself. It was worth a shot.

"H-Hello..." stammered Shinji at the large, purple beast standing outside his window. Unlike everyone else, his initial assumption _was_ that the EVA was wandering around by itself. When he had first seen it, the EVA had moved on its own to protect him from falling debris. After that first impression, Shinji had always been vaguely wondering why it _didn't_ wander off on its own on occasion. Apparently, it did now.

"GAORGH!" EVA-01 greeted in return, its voice rattling the entire complex. Misato jumped and landed on the floor next to her futon.

"Dammit, Shinji," she said, rubbing her head. "Tell your friend that he can be loud at school. But he needs to shut up while I'm trying to sleep." Not having the energy to get back on the bedroll, Misato instantly fell back to sleep on the floor.

Shinji looked back and forth between Misato and the Evangelion. He hated not knowing what to do. In her current state, Misato was in no position to tell him how to resolve this. Especially if she was under the mindset that this was just a friend here to pick him up for school. He wasn't even planning on going to school today. Wallowing in his own misery under his bedcovers would suit him just fine.

The Evangelion, on the other hand, was in no position to be ignored. It continued poking at the patio door, demanding attention. Finally, in a rather unintelligent move, Shinji opened the patio door and confronted his EVA on the balcony.

"Look, I don't know what you're doing here," he told it, "but please go away. We're trying to sleep." This was nothing exciting to the EVA. It had been doing nothing _but_ sleeping for most of its days. Thus, it found Shinji's demand for sleep a hardly convincing excuse to ignore it. This determined, EVA-01 reached down and picked up Shinji by the back of his night shirt.

"AAAGGGH!" shouted Shinji, flailing his legs at the quickly departing balcony. "Misato-san! The Evangelion is kidnapping me!"

Misato rolled over in her sleep. "That's nice. Tell him you have to be home by dinner," she mumbled.

Shinji continued screaming as his Evangelion held him in front of its face. "Please don't eat me!" shouted Shinji, cowering. Why was it that all these humans assumed that it would eat them? EVA-01 had already determined that it was NOT a purple people-eater. And with its initial hunger satisfied, its S2 engine made it so the EVA didn't have to eat anything anymore.

Since eating was no longer on its mind, EVA-01 decided to be personable and just ask Shinji what he was up to. "GAORGH?" it asked him, its voice sending the dangling Shinji swinging backwards.

Shinji covered his head and yelled, "AGH!"

Agh? The boy seemed to speak a strange dialect of Evangelion. EVA-01 wasn't quite sure of the meaning of his statement, so asked him to clarify. "GAORGH!"

"GAAAAHHH!" yelled Shinji, still terrified of the monster's voice.

EVA-01 blinked. "GAORGH?"

"GYAAAAGH!"

"GAORGH."

"WAAAAAH!"

"GAORGH?!"

"UAAAAH!"

The Evangelion gave Shinji a strange look. "Ga...Gaorgh..." it managed, stupified. What Shinji had told it seemed very strange, but it trusted that he knew what he was talking about. What Shinji had said in fact translated along the lines of "Greeting the personable mean consul therin is my, to choose, admittedly becomes going with him today south of the fish have ripened."


End file.
